love?

'check it out...

i've tried every approach to living. i've tried it all. i haven't tried everything, but i've tried every approach. sometimes, you have to try everything to get the approach the same but..i've tried it all. i bought a bunch of stuff and went 'nah, i don't like that.' i kind of came into that a couple of times. i thought i would shut myself off. i thought maybe that's cool? maybe that's what you have to do to be a genius; it's that you have to be mad? so, if you can get mad before you were a genius, then maybe you can make genius appear, right? that doesn't work either. i'm in a good place. i've paced myself pretty well at 30. i've seen some cool stuff. made a lot of stuff happen for myself. i made a lot of stuff happen for myself. that's a really cool sentence when you are in you're twenties. i made it happen for myself, right? but, all that means is that i've somehow or another found a way to synthesize love...or synthesize soothing. you can't get that. what i'm saying is that i've missed with all the approaches except for one. it's going to sound really corny, but that's just love. i've done everything in my life i've wanted to do but just give and feel love for my living. and i don't mean like a roman candle, firework, hollywood, hot pink love. but i mean like 'my god, you're back!!' love. i don't need to hear 'i love you.' you guys love me, i love you. we got that down. but, some of the people that tell you 'i love you' are the last to have your back. so, i'm going to experiment with this love thing: giving love, feeling love. i know it sounds really corny but it's the last thing i have to check out before i check out...'

i dunno. if you know me i'm not one for all that mushy shit, but this caught my attention for some reason? i've been listening to music all day (no, seriously) and this is what stuck with me all day. maybe this means i'm supposed to go back to baby dolls and ask paris on a date?? i mean, isn't that what dating is all about? finding your soulmate? my mother would be so proud. she's been bitching at me to settle down. maybe that's what i'll do tomorrow: ask paris out. i'll add it to my 'to do list'...

so, yeah...

everyday is exactly the same when you don't have a goddamn job. i suppose at this point (two months now) it is kind of my fault? i am just so damn picky. for those of you who don't know me, i got laid off. a friend suggested i jump on the blogging bandwagon and create one. good idea to pass the time i suppose?? whatever. i don't have a job and it sucks. at first it was fun because i didn't have to put up with the usual work routine, but now, it's almost worse than before. i am reduced to getting my ass kicked by little kids in god knows where in the world on xbox live. i even wear that fucking headset. yeap, i am that guy and i am offically a loser. it's cool though because i am saving money that i would spend elsewhere to pass the time such as movies, shopping, or the strip club. i'd rather be a loser gamer than be that guy that the strippers remember as a regular. i was on my way to becoming that guy and stopped the day paris (yeah, her name was paris. i swear. cross my heart...) remembered my name and asked me to wait my turn because she had to 'finish giving her other regular a dance.' i didn't want to be her regular. fuck that. with that said, i have a game of left 4 dead calling me. it's a great zombie game. honestly, it's the only game i don't suck at.