love?

'check it out...

i've tried every approach to living. i've tried it all. i haven't tried everything, but i've tried every approach. sometimes, you have to try everything to get the approach the same but..i've tried it all. i bought a bunch of stuff and went 'nah, i don't like that.' i kind of came into that a couple of times. i thought i would shut myself off. i thought maybe that's cool? maybe that's what you have to do to be a genius; it's that you have to be mad? so, if you can get mad before you were a genius, then maybe you can make genius appear, right? that doesn't work either. i'm in a good place. i've paced myself pretty well at 30. i've seen some cool stuff. made a lot of stuff happen for myself. i made a lot of stuff happen for myself. that's a really cool sentence when you are in you're twenties. i made it happen for myself, right? but, all that means is that i've somehow or another found a way to synthesize love...or synthesize soothing. you can't get that. what i'm saying is that i've missed with all the approaches except for one. it's going to sound really corny, but that's just love. i've done everything in my life i've wanted to do but just give and feel love for my living. and i don't mean like a roman candle, firework, hollywood, hot pink love. but i mean like 'my god, you're back!!' love. i don't need to hear 'i love you.' you guys love me, i love you. we got that down. but, some of the people that tell you 'i love you' are the last to have your back. so, i'm going to experiment with this love thing: giving love, feeling love. i know it sounds really corny but it's the last thing i have to check out before i check out...'

i dunno. if you know me i'm not one for all that mushy shit, but this caught my attention for some reason? i've been listening to music all day (no, seriously) and this is what stuck with me all day. maybe this means i'm supposed to go back to baby dolls and ask paris on a date?? i mean, isn't that what dating is all about? finding your soulmate? my mother would be so proud. she's been bitching at me to settle down. maybe that's what i'll do tomorrow: ask paris out. i'll add it to my 'to do list'...